the postpartum body and exercise

Photo by sashamd on flickr

In my mind, this is what it looked like:

My feet pounding the pavement, the wind rushing by me, running as fast as I could possibly go.
Strong.  Free.  Fast.

In reality, this is what it looked like:

My knees horribly aware of the hard pavement, the wind traded in for humidity, bumbling along with a postpartum waddle.
Weak.  Tight.  Slow.

It's amazing what your forget during the whole pregnancy/labor/postpartum period.
The tiredness.  The pain.  The recovery.

Did it feel this way last time?  I found myself -- and find myself -- asking.
But that's really unfair, isn't it?
It doesn't feel like "last time" because it isn't "last time."
It's this time.

I'm two years older.
Elliott's in a more demanding job, which means my job is more demanding.
And, oh yeah, I've already got another kid this time -- one that doesn't sleep through most of the day.

But it's still a difficult reality to swallow.  The weight's coming off slower, my stamina is down, and my body aches in ways I didn't know possible.  It's discouraging, to say the least.  Maybe more like disheartening (which I know is just a synonym, but it seems to fit my mood more aptly, okay?).

Yet when I feel the poisoning whispers enter into my head -- the whispers of, "You can't!  You're weak!  Just give up!"  I fight back.

I am made in the image of God.

I am healthy.

I am strong.

I will overcome.

Image. Of. God.

Because you know what?  It's no small matter that I am able to run -- to use my legs and body in a functioning way.  Not everyone has this privilege and it's one that can be taken away from any one of us in an instant.  

So I choose to accept my postpartum body as is -- weak joints, soft belly, slow run, and all.  I am thankful that I am healthy and strong.  I am thankful that I am made in the image of God, and I choose to use my workouts as a time to rejoice rather than despair.

Amen?

spiritual lessons from an obstinate toddler

My daughter is about a month-and-a-half shy of turning two.
And, not to brag, but she really is quite wonderful.  As far as toddlers go, she's just a great kid.  I love her.  I adore her antics.  I think she's -- hands down -- one of the coolest people I've ever met.

However.

She is a toddler, approaching those "Terrible Two's" we always hear about in parent-talk.
And as a toddler, her favorite word tends to be, "NO."

Friends, I am getting a wee-bit-weary of hearing the word, "NO."

Sometimes, she is exercising her independence.
Sometimes, she has a specific reason for saying it.
But sometimes, she has no idea why she's saying it.

Take lunch, for instance.
She's hungry.
I provide her favorite food.

"NO."
It doesn't make any sense.
"But you're hungry."
"No."
"It's for your own good."
"No."
"I made your favorite."
"Noooooooooo!"

After a few more scenarios of this familiar battle, she's finally asleep for a nap.  As I ready myself for a few moments of stillness before my other daughter wakes up to nurse, I sit down to complain to God about my oh-so-obstinate toddler.

That's when I realize I'm God's oh-so-obstinate daughter.

God might be asking me to do something that would feed me spiritually.
For no good reason, I respond:

"NO."
It doesn't make any sense.
"But you're hungry."
"No."
"It's for your own good."
"No."
"It would bring you so much joy."
"Noooooooooo!"

But unlike me and my daughter, God doesn't send me to my crib without reading a book before a nap.  He doesn't give me a time out.  He doesn't count to three.

So how does He get my attention?
Simple.
He sends me an oh-so-obstinate toddler who likes to say no.

• How God get your attention in unlikely ways?

6 Suggestions for Managing with Two Kids

A few weeks ago, my husband and I had our first (and only) date out of the house after the baby's birth.  He took me to see one of my all-time favorite movies in 3D (yes, I LOVE Jurassic Park -- it's the only solid dinosaur movie out there).  We met our friends at the theatre, whose kids are already grown up and getting married.

As I sat next to my friend, I mentioned how weird it was being out of the house for the first time with Elliott.  She made a comment that stuck with me.  My friend said that when you have the first baby, you expect that your life is going to turn upside down and you'll never have a spare moment again.  Instead, it's just sort of a little bump in the road and things go back to normal.  When you have the second baby, you expect another little bump, but instead you are sitting on a roller coaster and it never goes back to normal.

I completely relate to this statement, realizing that not everyone does.  When we had our first daughter, we were sort of already in a lifestyle conducive to children:  as homebodies, we rarely ventured out; we liked early nights and earlier mornings; we were ready to nest.  The adjustment was really easy for us -- just a little bump in the road that went back to normal.

Our youngest daughter is just about two months old, so maybe this will change, but I'm finding that life is anything but "normal" or "the way it used to be."  That's fine, but it's just different and requires some "intentionality" on our parts.

Here are some suggestions to adjusting to life with two kids (my kids are 21 months apart):

1. Get Used to Crying
As a person who HATES having her children -- or anyone -- cry (because it makes me oh-so-sad), this was something I just embraced immediately.  Someone is going to cry.  If I'm putting Baby A to bed and the other one needs my attention, I have to finish what I'm doing before I go to comfort Baby B (otherwise there will be TWO babies crying).  It doesn't mean I like it -- it just means it's the reality in which I now live.

My sister-in-law mentioned that you have to start doing some bargaining in your brain.  "It will take me 15 minutes to put down Baby A but it will take me 30 minutes to feed Baby B.  So I'll put down Baby A first, and then get to Baby B."  Sometimes things -- like naptime routines -- are a little rushed, but overall, you have to time-bargain in your head.

2. Get Some Rest
The whole "nap when baby naps" mantra is not very practical with two kids.  Although it might happen on some days, I've found that it's best not to count on getting a nap.  If you can get one, great.  If not, find other ways you can rest.

My toddler is obviously more active and requires more energy than the newborn, so when the older one is asleep, I plan on doing restful things even if the little one is awake at that time.  Sometimes it means putting on a TV show while nursing, reading a book while bouncing the bouncy seat, or doing some yoga while babygirl is on the play-gym mat.  Whatever it is, I try to make sure I conserve as much energy as possible so I have the amount I need to get me through to bedtime.

I've also been planning very simple meals -- ones that require barely any prep time.  This allows extra rest time during the day, as well as delegation   If I'm too tired to make dinner, I simply have to tell Elliott what's on the menu and he can whip it up.

3. Get Comfy with Clutter
Did I mention the house gets cluttered very easily the more kids you have?  Well, it does, so get used to it.  Between baby swings and baby doll clothes and books and socks hastily strewn on the floor -- not to mention the pile of mail that "we'll get to later" -- it's easy for things to collect.  Throw in the fact that the time when I used to do chores is no longer available, there's bound to be more mess than ever.

If mess bothers you (like it bothers me), then you just have to accept your limitations.  I do little things here and there (a quick sweep after every meal, grabbing dirty clothes while walking to the closet, quickly wiping down the sink during bath time) instead of setting aside a "major cleaning" time.  On the better days, Gwen even helps me a little bit.  I do what I need to do to keep things orderly, but gone are the days when I have a scheduled time for every chore.

And I remind myself: this is temporary.  Someday they will both be old enough to help me with the chores, and our house will be neat(er) and tidy(er) again.  It's not the end of the world.

4. Get Your Schedule Down (or not!)
I try -- as much as possible -- to schedule things nicely.  By this, I mean I anticipate the next thing.  At two months, the little one is still too little to be on a schedule (and let's face it, during the first year, naps are changing all the time depending on what nap they are dropping), so I do what I can.

Babies this small tend to only want to be awake for two hours or less at a time (at least, according to this book, which I have found to be both accurate and helpful).  So in the morning, I can gauge when baby is going to go to sleep depending on when she woke up.  If I want to ensure time to myself, then I start getting the toddler ready for quiet time or a nap as soon as baby goes to sleep.  This doesn't always work (and sometimes baby's naps are super short!) but it keeps the crying to a minimum, at least.

The other thing that might work for some people (but not me because I thrive off of schedules) is just throwing the schedule away.  You'll probably have to find another blog for this advice, though.  I'm not sure how to operate that way, but I know it works for certain families and kids just fine.

5. Get Some Date Time
During the first year, it was so easy to schedule in time as a couple. Our older daughter went to bed really early (read: 5 pm), so that meant Elliott and I always ate dinner alone and had the whole evening to ourselves.  Now our time has been squished to about an hour -- maybe an hour and a half at the most -- between my working out and cleaning up dinner and having to go to bed early.  So we realized the whole, "let's just see what we want to do," and, "let's watch TV for an hour for fun," thing isn't working.

We can't really afford a dinner-date-and-babysitter thing except maybe on special occasions, so we're just making do by focusing on the quality of time we spend together.  Instead of a show, we're going to start playing games together more -- to give ourselves more fun interaction.  Maybe we'll even start reading plays together again.  Whatever it is, we're going to make sure that we are interacting, and not just existing, together.


6. Get a Firm Foundation

In the first few weeks of being home alone with two kids, I found my fuse to be shorter than I realized.  Yelling, crying, throwing fits -- these all became really easy for me to fall into.  I didn't like who I was becoming.  

There are times for yelling, but kids do not deserve to be yelled at when I'm just frustrated or tired.  This is why I've started turning to the Lord in prayer.  At 3 am when my daughter just doesn't want to burp and is keeping me up for an hour or two, I pray for the next day: "Lord, please help my attitude tomorrow.  I'm going to be tired and I need your help to be patient and kind."  I ask for gentleness in my spirit -- for peace.  In moments when I feel like I'm about to burst, I pray my way through them.  I sing.  

Without the Lord, I don't know how I would be able to manage.  He keeps me grounded in what really matters and gives me "peace that surpasses all understanding."  When I have nothing left inside me to give to my girls, He provides me with what I need.

• Any other advice for managing with two kids?  What are your suggestions?

Hey Pinterest/Instagram/Facebook World: I don't like to cook (and that's totally okay)

The other day, I signed on to Facebook and saw this picture:

What's that, you ask?  Why, that's just my (amazing/inspiring/incredible/resourceful) sister-in-law, making homemade pasta.

Why is this a big deal?  Well, it just so happens that this awesome family-member of mine works FULL TIME, has TWIN 4-year-old boys, and a NINE-MONTH-old daughter (who still wakes up at night to eat).  And here she is -- making homemade pasta on the weekend in her free time.

My first thought was, "That's awesome -- and so like her!"

My second thought was, "Why don't I ever do that?"

My third thought: "I'll do stuff like that someday when the kids are older."

My final thought: "No, you won't, Rachel."

And that's it.  Therein lies the truth.  I kept waiting to turn into a certain-type-of-mom-and-wife that I'll never be.  I gave up sewing long ago (sometime in college) after I whipped together my first (and only) sewing project: an early-20th-century dress.  After I finished the project, I realized that I found no joy in doing it -- I just rushed through it to get it done.  I never wanted to sew again (and I didn't, except for a brief stint in a costume shop).  

And over the last few years, as my social media feeds kept getting inundated with beautiful snapshots of fantastic dinners and baked goods, I kept waiting for "the time" to start cooking "that way."  Yet when I saw that picture of my sister-in-law, I suddenly realized that I will never do it.  It's not that I don't LIKE cooking -- it's just a practical thing for me.  It's not my least-favorite chore, and sometimes I find great peace in it.  But it's a chore to me, and I find no true joy in it.  AND THAT'S OKAY!  (Hurray!)

My sister-in-law said, "If I have a week where I don't have a day that I cook a significant amount, I start to get kinda stressed and restless."  If it's not Thanksgiving (which is a cooking holiday, in my opinion), "cooking a significant amount" is a recipe of stress for me.  For me, cooking is about being practical:  what can I make in 30 minutes or less that's nutritious, yummy, and will give us leftovers?  That's how I meal plan, and I reckon that's how I will always meal plan.

So all this got me thinking:  what do I do to avoid getting stressed and restless?  If I had extra time on the weekend, how would I choose to fill it?

On a weekend with extra time, you will never find me making homemade pasta.  Instead, you'll find me outside in the yard gardening or running around with my daughter, doing some sort of high-intensity exercise, writing a blog post, reading a book, or taking in more time with my husband and family.  Heck, you might even find me cleaning my house (THAT was the kicker of the self-realization for me:  I actually enjoy cleaning my house more than I enjoy cooking).  But mainly, I think my top choice would be high-intensity exercise or a run with a friend (ahem BECCA ahem let's make a running date ASAP).

So here's the main point:  hurray! for who we all are, and for how different we are!  I celebrate that my sister-in-law loves cooking so much, and that it is a part of who she is.  I celebrate that I like being outside so much and working out.  And I celebrate YOU -- whoever you are, and whatever it is that brings you joy.

• What are you doing this weekend with your extra time?
• What activities bring you joy?

I swear, I have a MILLION blog posts ready...in my head

For real, I write THE BEST blog posts at 3 am.

The problem?  I'm usually holding a pretty baby in my arms.

The BIGGER problem?  The next day, I either can't remember the post I was thinking about, or I'm not nearly as eloquent as I was at 3 am.

And there it is.

measuring spiritual growth

"How are you doing spiritually?"

He asked the question just as simply as any other question.

It was a cold day and rain was tapping gently on the window.  I shifted in the chair as I glanced outside, as if the answers would be found out there somewhere.  The warmth of the fireplace next to me reminded me that I was, in fact, inside my therapist's office, and there was the silence of an unanswered question lingering in the air.

Spiritually.  How am I doing?  It's such an interesting question, I thought -- so much more complex than perhaps he realizes.  It's more complex than any of us realize most of the time.  In Christian culture, we ask it so flippantly.  But what do we mean by it?

My first inclination was to go back over the last week and think about how many times I had turned to the Bible -- how many times I had sat in quiet before the Lord -- how many specific, purposeful prayers I had offered.  With a three-week-old and a 21-one-month old at home, and some unsettled hormones inside -- not to mention a recovering postpartum body -- the answer wasn't great.  Maybe once in the last week, I thought, I had spent some time in the Word.

But that's not it, I thought.  That's what I jump to when people ask me this question, but that's not a true gauge of my relationship with the Lord.

It took me a couple minutes to answer, and I started with some "Ums," and, "Well, I guesses," and, "Okays," but eventually I realized my true answer.

"There are seasons," I said. "And I'm in a very specific season of life and of connection to God.  I may not be able to read the Bible as much as I'd like to, but ... I don't feel like I'm sitting in judgment from the Lord because... I'm just in a different season."

Now let me be clear: I'm not saying that reading the Bible isn't important.  I'm not saying that disciplined time with the Lord is superfluous.  What I'm saying is that those things aren't always possible in one's life.  When they aren't possible, God finds other ways to minister and work in our lives.  Our spiritual growth is not dependent on checking off that "Quiet Time" box on our to-do list.

In the last few weeks, I have had to be really conscientious of God's work in my life.  It's a 3-am-feeding-prayer instead of a 9-am-focused-prayer.  It's in the moments of "God-Help-Me!" and "God-I-need-you-right-now!"  It's when God gives me a song instead of tears -- when I need to be patient with a daughter and need prayer to get me through -- when I have a choice between a TV show and reading a book about spirituality.  It's in these moments that God is choosing to mold me and make me into something new.

"I suspect that if someone had asked the apostle Paul...about his spiritual life, his first question would have been, "Am I growing in love for God and people?"  The real issue is what kind of people we are becoming.  Practices such as reading Scripture and praying are important -- not because they prove how spiritual we are -- but because od can use them to lead us into life.  We are called to do nothing less than to experience day by day what Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus: "But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ."

- John Ortberg, The Life You've Always Wanted

• How are you doing spiritually?
• How have you answered that question in the past?  
• What's your first instinct in answering it?
• What do you mean by the question when you ask someone else? 

guest post on breastfeeding

Right before I gave birth to Amelie, I started joining in on the Tuesday Baby Linkup over at Every Breath I Take (Jennifer is just one of several bloggers who host, but she was the one I happened to know first).  It has definitely been my favorite linkup because I've gotten to meet a lot of great people and join a community of moms devoted to supporting each other.

I started reading every single blog post on breastfeeding over at African Babies Don't Cry.  Christine is running a breastfeeding series called Mommy's Milk.  Knowing I had some trouble the first go-around, I read frantically, asked questions, and got to know a lot of other cool mamas out there.

Christine's blog and the community from the Tuesday Baby Linkup has meant so much to me, and that's why I am SO EXCITED that Christine is hosting a guest post by me for her breastfeeding series.

Alright, here's my deal with breastfeeding. 

Everyone posts about how it's not easy but it's amazing, and then they give a gazillion pointers on how to get through the rough patches.  But can I tell you about MY rough patch -- the one that tends to get glossed over? 

Latching.

It absolutely drives me crazy to hear things like, "Latching is as simple as X, Y, and Z."  Because you know what?  I've tried X, Y, and Z.  A million times.  And latching has never been that simple for me or for my babies -- not for my first daughter, nor for my second.  For whatever reason, latching has been and always will be a source of great difficulty for this small little family.

Read the rest here and please comment!