Sunday, January 3, 2010

Confession

Deuteronomy 4:15-16, 20

"You saw no form of any kind the day the Lord spoke to you at Horeb out of the fire. Therefore watch yourselves very carefully, so that you do not become corrupt and make for yourselves an idol, an image of any shape, whether formed like a man or a woman [...] But as for you, the Lord took you and brought you out of the iron-smelting furnace, out of Egypt, to be a people of his inheritance."

I have made for myself an idol. I have worshipped this idol, completely giving my thought-life over to it and making my body a living sacrifice unto it.

I have coveted her so much that I have spent the greater part of my life trying to become her--wishing I was already made in her likeness. I have sacrificed rest, relationships, and the Sabbath to chase after her. I have studied her word in the form of magazines, websites, and TV shows.

And now I will name her in order to renounce her. My god has been the god of "the skinny girl."

My search for being thin has been much more than mere sin. I have been putting my trust in this idol and not in the one true God, the God who chose me, who loves me, who redeems me. I have not trusted in the One who created me, the Great I Am who rescued the Israelites from slavery, who came as God Incarnate. I have forsaken the Lord.

I have not trusted in the way that God created me. I have told him that his creation is not "good enough" and needs to be fixed. I have been a poor witness to my sisters and have not been glorifying the Lord with the way I approach my body.

Please pray for continued healing and release. I cannot do this alone.

1 comment:

  1. It is hard to let go of the image of who we want to be. I miss the body I had when I was 22 before getting pregnant. . .and I envy who she was while being happ of why I am the way I am. I hope I can learn from this passage and your heart.

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