I sat in meditation. Just listening. Closing my eyes and focusing on the One True God. I thought about life, and offered the whisper of a prayer about our future. I thought of the many possibilities facing Elliott and me. Each possibility certainly brings me a peace... a peace that only comes when you know you are exactly where God wants you.
Right now, it has been made clear that God wants us exactly where we are. But where is that, exactly? Where are we?
As I sat there praying, a vivid picture came swiftly in and out of my mind. It was me, wandering through the desert—the desert of the Israelites. I have often thought about how maddening and frustrating it must have been to be wandering in that desert for so long. In this particular moment of clarity, Jesus showed me that I have been wandering like the Israelites. All my life, I have been wandering from this to that with no clear understanding. Though sometimes I did not follow God through the wilderness, many times I have followed him.
I followed God out of graduate school, and then into the corporate world. But I was floundering and wandering about in that realm. So I followed God out of the corporate world and into another graduate program and into a retail job. And though I do feel at peace with where I am, a part of me feels that it’s just another step along the way. The way things are going right now, I don’t know how I will use this degree I am attaining, or, quite honestly, if I will finish. I have a tendency to start things and not finish them, but I also have been really relying on the Lord’s direction.
But the thing is, I’m not anywhere in particular yet. I am still wandering. I haven’t reached the right “land” yet. It’s not like I’m wandering in the desert without the Lord—no, he is very near and present in this journey. I have a feeling that God is bringing me (and Elliott) to a specific destination of some kind. I wonder if I will have another picture, maybe a year or two in the future (or five or six) of myself in this same desert, but arriving someplace.
I am comforted by this picture. It's like God is letting me know that he knows what’s going on. Indeed, I do feel a bit lost at times and still feel like the winds could change; at any moment, I may be swept up in a slightly different direction. But God is letting me know that he is in control.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”