Wednesday, April 14, 2010

In the Beginning: Today's View

Begin.

Every day, we begin. We have a beginning--a chance to start. We choose.
How do you choose to begin?

Most days, I rush out of bed. I walk through our (usually-messy) apartment, and consider how I don't have time to clean it. I see the dog, hoping my husband will take her out this morning so it won't take away from my time. I brush through the list of tasks in my head, and either praise myself for getting up super early to get them done, or curse myself for sleeping in until the sun wakes me up.

Most days, at the beginning, I don't consider the Lord.

Since returning from the retreat, it's as if a slowness has taken over my center. I am so used to forcing myself awake before the sunrise, but these days, I welcome in the extra sleep next to Elliott. This morning, I rejected my alarm, and instead felt as if I were opening my arms to embrace a happy, childhood-esque dream of peace. It was colorful and playful and made me smile as I chose to stay slumbering in bed, cozied up next to my best friend, our dog rolled happily in a ball at our feet.

This morning, at the beginning, I allowed myself to first acknowledge the Lord:
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Thank you, Lord for the extra sleep.
Praise Him, all creatures here below.
Please help me get things accomplished today.
Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts.
Help me to rest in you and not to squander the moments before work.
Or after. Or during.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Draw me closer to you today.
Amen. Amen.

How do you choose to begin?

5 comments:

  1. amen and amen!
    thanks for this, rachel.

    mornings are our quotidian valleys of decision! though perhaps i should speak for myself. :)

    it's amazing/pathetic how i Want to move towards God in the mornings, know i should do it because it's Good and Rest-full..but how much i flail and kick against it, rebel just to rebel, make it seem like this annoying, involved task...

    when it is, as you helpfully and simply share, easy as a few thanks, a few help-me's, a few requests for closeness.

    i want to begin like this, too!

    (also, it gave me heart-consolation to hear you've got a usually-messy apartment! ha. *smile* you an' me both.)

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  2. I would help clean your apartment for you if I lived nearby! . . .I like cleaning, as you may have noticed by my very neat home. Rob thinks I have OCD. Maybe I do and don't realize it.

    ugh anyway back to this beautiful entry. That is really cute that you got to be all cozy in bed this morning. It was really cold this morning and I snuggled against Rob's back because he felt warm. Usually I get right out of bed though.

    you two are adorable. I love how you incorporated the hymn with your prayer!! That was really lovely and it made me sing it to my boys as we just finished our lunches.

    I choose to begin by being up VERY early but without an alarm clock ( I am sure you recall I have been waking up at 5:30 automatically since I was seven). at six I got out of bed to take on the cold all around me, after getting Rob up so he could get ready for work. Then I made him his lunch and put Leto on the potty and gave Micah some milk because he was thirsty (then he fell back asleep). I kissed Rob goodbye as he trotted off to work. And then of course gave the boys attention and started cleaning, etc. I really really look forward to when my boys sleep in so I can have quiet time with the Lord first thing in the morning rather than sporatically in the day. I love the fact that I get to enjoy the whole day. I never understood why people like tos leep in so very late some days when they miss out on living! hehe.

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  3. Jess and Victoria, Thank you so much for your consistent and thoughtful responses, and for joining me in life. I love you both.

    The rebelling...yes. It's so strange. In moments of clarity, I think, "There is nothing better than to be in the presence of the Lord, to worship him, walk with him." In moments of stillness, I think, "I wonder what TV show is on Hulu?" Flesh vs. spirit. Spirit vs. spirit. We are so divided.

    Victoria, how I wish I could clean every day. I love cleaning too; it's very peaceful. Some days, though, we barely have time to walk into the door, throw our stuff on the ground, and go to sleep (Jessica, I know your schedule--I think you know how this feels!). Hopefully someday I will be able to stay home more and create a space of sanctuary for us. Right now, though, I just have to live with my imperfections greeting me every time I come home--and fighting against the lie that a perfectly clean apartment means a perfect person, or perfect marriage. Order is good, and nice, but when we don't have time for it, we just have to let it go. That's just what I've learned so far, or how I cope with the messiness. :)

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  4. exxxxactly (re: your gloss on the state of the home/responses to it)

    love you, too, rachel. thank you for your sweet and gracious spirit.

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