"You should come play ultimate with us," my husband says. "It would be a good break for you."
We've just spent the last six(+) hours support-raising. I feel discouraged, confused, and (most of all) guilty--because I know I shouldn't feel this way.
I shake my head. I am sensing a Holy-Spirit tug. "I think I just need to get out alone."
"Jesus went out to a solitary place." - Lk 4:42
I usually run. This time I walk. Walking seems more appropriate tonight. It's a thick humidity and I talk my steps slower than normal. I wind myself in and out of forgotten paths, until I am led into an evergreen forest deepened by twilight.
That's when the lightening bugs started worshiping.
All at once, I am stricken by awe. In wonder, I try to take it all in, but it's too much for me. I want to drink in the beauty. I want to join the twinkling bugs in flight. I long for the restoration of God's creation--for the day when I can fully understand how to comprehend and join in such beauty.
I think it's all I can handle, when three deer prance behind me. I turn around just in time to see them jump effortlessly over a fence and into the forest deep.
That's when I start to cry.
God's glory is too magnificent for me. His Creation cannot help but worship Him. I cannot help but be awed by Him. I moved too deeply that I cannot handle it.
I mourn for those who do not know the Father's love like this--who go by day by day without acknowledging these moments. I mourn for the person I allowed myself to be for so long--a person who would have rushed right by such a moment.
And I weep tears of joy because of where God has brought me--
to this place--
to experience this moment
and the Creation which He declared, "Good."
"God saw all that he had made,
and it was very good."