Wednesday, March 7, 2012

breaking a resolution and saying farewell.

Resolutions stink.  You know - of the NEW YEAR variety.

Remember when I was ALL ABOUT New Year's resolutions??

The thing is, I didn't offer either of them up in prayer.  I just made an arbitrary decision -- one that I thought would be great -- one that would only add to the fullness of my life.

When I began this blog, I merely wanted a space to write down my thoughts on God and share with some close friends.  Right before Gwendolyn arrived, I started having this idea of reaching out into the larger blogging community -- sensing a pull to reach a larger audience.

And that happened.

Things were looking up.  I was writing up a storm.  I was commenting on and linking to other blogger's blogs.  I was making friends.  I was growing.

It was healthy.

But then: something changed.

I don't know how to explain it.  It's all very layered.  But the bottom line -- and the thing you need to know -- is that I need to close shop.  EOS has done what it has set out to do.

But I'm done.

I need to move on.  There are other things in my life that need attending.  There are projects to be researched.  There are gardens to be tended.  There are babies to be bounced and cuddled.  There are novels to be read (and written, perhaps?).  There are scripts to be acted out.  There are songs to be sung.  There are roads to be sprinted on.

There is a world out there.  And right now, I just don't have the time or energy for the blogging world.

I'm fairly sure I'll return to blogging at some point -- when I have more down time, when I'm able to put forth the effort it requires.  But not now.

And so it gives me great joy and a sense of freedom to say:  

It has been an awesome three and a half years.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  I hope to meet you along the way again someday.

Take care.

This entry will be up for a week or so, and then I'm literally closing shop for good.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

my very own rainbow

This is a repost from December 7, 2009, but since I know a number of people having to make decisions (umm, Elliott and myself included), I thought it was worth a re-read.  Also, most (all?) of you haven't read my posts from 2009 so it's new to you!

In the face of uncertainty, God has a way of working things out so that the circumstances point directly to him. This reality and experience has been my comfort and peace. I can do nothing but submit and obey--gladly, willingly, and with some sacrifice.

When confronted with an uncertain situation, my human inclination tells me to worry and start planning for the worst, or work really hard to make things better again. Jesus tells me, "Just wait and watch what I'm going to do!"

Allow me to share a story:

Once upon a time I had this dream, this prayer, this ernest desire and wish to be married in God's creation. My then-fiance and I wanted desperately to be married in the church of the great outdoors--in the woods among his creatures and creations. We planned for a June wedding, and I spent the next year asking nearly everyone I came into contact with to pray for a nice day.

The spring turned against me with all her raging stormy glory. For months, we watched as sunless day after sunless day passed by. I checked the weather every day to see what the weeks ahead would bring, and all I saw was rain, rain, rain. Finally, I let go. I stopped checking the weather and just said: so be it.  It's in God's control. We will get the wedding day he wants us to have, and it will be wonderful, and my family and my friends will be there to witness it. It will be glorious because the Holy Spirit will make it glorious.

We got the one sunny, beautiful, non-humid day that month.
That entire month.

The next morning as we left for our honeymoon, the skies opened up again. Rain.
God's glory at work.

I don't know why he chose to give us a beautiful day. He could have chosen not to give us such a day, and it still would have been wonderful. But when I consider this day, and how God works in such a way that shows his glory, I am humbled. For the rest of my life, I will be able to say that God gave us that day specifically. It was an honest miracle. There is no way that day should have been beautiful.

And, more than anything, he gave me that day as a reminder. That day is my Noah's rainbow in my life.  It's my personal reminder from God that he is in control and I have nothing to fear.

I like watching his hands at work in life. I like seeing the impossible become reality. Trusting can be difficult, but it's so much better than worrying, don't you think?

And the impossibility-made-reality becomes his glory.
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