You see, I've been waking up consistently at 4am -- for no reason -- just shooting awake, ready to go. This, after falling asleep around 11pm. I usually sleep 9pm - 5am on workout-days and 9pm - 6:30am on non-workout-days. So this 11pm - 4am thing finally caught up with me this morning.
Oh, I woke up at 4am again, but managed to somehow fall back asleep (albeit with severe pregnancy-related back pain). Of course, my little girl decided today was a morning she would wake up at 5:30am.
I just lost it. Absolutely lost it. Cried and cried into my pillow -- tired from the exhaustion, feeling beaten up by my back pain, and feeling isolated from my family. All I could wish was that we lived closer to family so I could just call up someone today and say, "Hey, my back hurts and I haven't slept in weeks -- can you please take Gwen out for the day?"
That's not to say I don't have fabulous people here who can help me out. Even just yesterday, my wonderful-and-stupendous friend Lauren played with Gwen for two hours. But even with amazing friends, it's not the same as having Gwen's actual grandparents in the area.
So I cried. And felt very sorry for myself. And just gave in to exhaustion and pain and emotion.
My husband took Gwen to his first meeting of the day.
He took our daughter to a meeting.
This was one of the most blessed things that could have ever have happened to me today. I got to sleep in until 8am (I NEVER get to do this except when we stay at one of our parents' houses!) and eat breakfast in peace. I got to be slower than usual, hobbling around on my legs that don't really want to work properly because Birdie is sitting on my nerves in an uncomfy way.
It could be seen as a little thing -- taking our daughter to work -- but to me, it was huge. I am so thankful that this day -- which at first seemed so bleak -- turned out to be so wonderful.
(And apparently, she did great and sat on his lap the whole time. The reason I'm not suggesting he take her every Friday morning to this meeting? She ate her first donut. If I think about it, it makes me cringe, so I'm choosing not to think about it.)
(But as for me, I think I'll have a cookie.)
- What seemingly little thing are you thankful for today?