Monday, January 14, 2013

third trimester irrationality, and how God triumphs over it

My soul cries out 
My soul cries out for you
These bones cry out  
These dry bones cry for you  
To live and move  
'Cause only You can raise the dead 
Can lift my head up
My soul cries out  
My soul cries out for you
Jesus, You're the one who saves us 
Constantly creates us into something new  
Jesus, surely you will finds us 
Surely our Messiah will make all things new  
Will make all things new
Dry Bones, Gungor 

Image credit: Jim Nix/Nomadic Pursuits on flickr

Within the last month, I have sensed a slowing down -- as if my body and brain had started to move in molasses.  The third trimester and all its exhaustive glory has hit me hard.  My body has ceased being able to move at its active pace.  My brain has quit remembering things and indulging in creativity.  My patience has become a wispy thread.
But even more than that, hormonal changes are taking a toll.  Panic attacks have returned.  A slight depression has descended.  Even though I can objectively look at my life and be thankful and happy, subjectively my emotions are failing to keep up with reality.  Irrationality is taking over.
I could get into the details of my irrational thinking, but I don't want to spend much time dwelling in what's getting me down.  Instead, I want to remember that in our weaknesses, God is made strong -- that even when I feel like dry bones, God will make things new.  And in a very real sense, He is: through this pregnancy -- through the difficult and slow-moving days -- God is making a new creation.  My daughter.  This temporary sacrifice that I offer her is small in comparison with what God is doing.

All around  
Hope is springing up from this old ground  
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things  
You make beautiful things out of the dust  
You make beautiful things  
You make beautiful things out of us

- Beautiful Things, Gungor 


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