Thursday, February 14, 2013

abundant peace at 37 weeks

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 
I do not give to you as the world gives. 
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27

My pregnancy with Gwendolyn was marked by high anxiety.

It started even before I became pregnant, persisted throughout the pregnancy, and lasted until the very end (and then carried over into motherhood).  Although God was doing His best to break me of clinging to anxiety, I didn't know how to let go.  I tried, but I also clung on tight.  Overall, what I came away with was the knowledge that I had an incredible anxiety problem.

I'm not going to lie and say it's all gone now.  Certainly, God has done His work in breaking me of deep habits in the past, but anxiety still persists.  It is in my life when I'm expected to talk to someone I don't know very well.  It is in my life when I am afraid to drive somewhere new.  It is in my life when I refuse to go anywhere crowded.  It is in my life in that there are certain things I am either unable to do, or that cause me great fear when I have to go through with them.

But here's the victory I want to share.

My pregnancy with "Birdie" has been marked by deep peace.

There are many things that can go wrong in pregnancy and delivery.  And yes, I have some hopes attached to labor.  But ultimately, I am just at peace.  I trust the Lord to know what's best.  I trust His timing.  I am not afraid of the unknown.

When I was 37 weeks pregnant with Gwen, I was frantic about going into labor AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  It probably was exacerbated by the looming "induction date."  I did as many (safe) things as I could think of to induce my labor naturally.  I begged the Lord.  I asked others to beg the Lord.  So what ended up happening was a last month of pregnancy absolutely fraught with frantic energy, anxiety, and discontentment.  

I am 37 weeks pregnant with Birdie.  I don't care when I go into labor or when I don't.  Even if I have to have an induction at 41 or 42 weeks, so be it.  Labor is out of my control.  There's nothing I can do but accept whatever comes whenever she decides to come.  

God has given me peace.
  • When have you experienced such peace in your life?
  • What has God been pressing on your heart lately?

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